One Day At A Time

closer

Mondays are traditionally the worst, but this Monday got turned up a notch. It was M’s first day back to school since she had a febrile seizure.  My husband and I kept her home the week she was sick, and one extra week because I was not ready to have her exposed to all of the school germs so soon. My anxiety started setting in Sunday afternoon as I was packing M’s bags for school. What if she gets sick again this week and she has another seizure? Do I have to reiterate to her teachers that she is at risk for febrile seizures? Will they be prepared if it happens at school (I had previously talked to the school, and they are prepared)? Should I have taken her out of school all together to avoid sickness?  I have been wrestling with the decision of taking her out of school since her febrile seizure. What is the right choice?

All of those thoughts were racing through my head (and actually right now, as I write this).  Make them stop. Please. I keep telling myself that I cannot keep her in a bubble, but all I see everywhere we go is GERMS. Dirty, nasty, germs.  I know she is stronger than I am making her out to be, but I can’t help but try to protect her. I am making myself crazy. I am definitely already a little (maybe a lot) crazy, but now I am so much worse.  How do I deal with this?

Unfortunately, I have not found a fool proof way just yet. Typically, exercise is my outlet. I have several classes (and one dinner with a girlfriend) scheduled this week. I am making sure I am busy at work, busy at home, exercising to keep myself sane, and to keep those negative thoughts away. I am planning to do a fun fall activity with M on Friday when I am off from work too. Hopefully, all of those things work. What are some things that help you when coping with anxiety?

You might be wondering… how did the drop-off at school go on Monday morning?  Well, it wasn’t fun. She has not been to school in two weeks, so her routine was all thrown off.  She only goes to school two half days a week, so she has been having a hard time adjusting as it is.  M has bonded with one teacher in particular, who usually makes the transition in the mornings easier. Just our luck, the teacher (who was very pregnant) had her baby over the weekend.  While, I am so happy for her and her family, my selfishness took over. M needed her there yesterday morning. I needed her there to comfort my crying toddler, and to make me feel less guilty for leaving her. Another teacher came over and tried to help. M didn’t want to, but she eventually went to her and sat on her lap. I waited outside the classroom for a few minutes, and peered in the window to make sure she was OK. M was no longer crying, thankfully. Time to go to work.

Yesterday was a small victory for me and for M. We took the first step towards getting our lives back in order. We will continue to take it one day at a time. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers. We need it.

Thank you for reading.

Meghan

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