Am I Having An Identity Crisis?

I’ve known my whole life that I wanted to be a mommy and a teacher. Now that I’m here, is this what I really want? Tired, overworked, face full of wrinkles and under eye circles? What more would I want?

Thinking back to the good old days, I spent hours getting ready for a night out on the town. Maybe a nap? Shower. Blow out my hair. Do my makeup. Don’t want to meet up until 10 PM? Sure, that works for me! Or maybe we’ll skip tonight and day drink tomorrow. Mimosas at brunch? Count me in!

Ugh. I love when younger people without kids say they’re tired. Like they really know what that means. But that’s ok. They’ll find out the hard way, just like us. Bahahaha.

Well, I wonder what would have happened if [this] or [that] stayed the same and never changed? What if… I moved to Hawaii and took a job? What if… we continued to rent and not bought a house so quickly? What if… I didn’t want to be a teacher in the way I thought I needed to be? Do you ever question things or fantasize how things could be different? What if… we moved to a place that made us happy?

Now, I’m not one to think the grass is greener on the other side, but what if…

Yes, careers may change. Roles in life my change. Seasons will change. People will come and go, but family? It’s forever, and I’m glad to have two amazing littles call me “mommy”, lots of kids to call me “Mrs. Wallace”, and an awesome hubby to call me “Meem”.   

Then I bring myself to the present. My two beautiful babies. Oh my god, do I love them. My husband. The man that made me believe there were good fish left in the sea and we could do anything together. One day I will have mimosa at brunch again, and I will have a fun-filled night of dancing. And maybe even a slight hangover. I would love to live in a beautiful place that made me feel inspired and alive, but I wouldn’t feel like that without my family. So we’ll have to do with the extremes of each season here in good old PA. And that’s ok. I can continue to fantasize and wonder, because each time it brings me back to the present. And my golly, I’m one lucky lady.

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