5 Ways To Get Alone Time As A Mom

Alone time… is that even a thing when you are a mom? I always thought moms and parents were being extremely dramatic when they talk about how they couldn’t even pee without a child staring them in the face. Enter a toddler into my life. Let me tell you how much I love it when I am trying to pee in peace, and my toddler starts putting her princess stickers all over my face. Why doesn’t she care when my husband pees? Speaking of my husband, is it too much to ask for him to get his own room? Doesn’t he understand that after a day of having a child hang all over me, the last thing I want to do is snuggle? Like seriously, get your arm off of me.

If you are like me and need your alone time, you have to make sure you prioritize it, and be realistic with your expectations. For example, I know as a mom and a wife, I won’t get alone time every day. Strike that, I guess I am alone at some points during every day. Taking a shower? My drive to work? Why don’t people tell you these things BEFORE you get pregnant? Probably because they want you to feel their pain.

So why is alone time important, and how do we get it? It’s important because everyone needs a break. Everyone needs time to be alone with their thoughts, or to think nothing at all. Alone time helps us recharge our battery, and in the end, helps us be better parents and wives. The times when I haven’t had alone time for a while, are the times where I see myself snapping at my daughter. My fuse is too short. That’s when I know I need some space, and I work to fit it in. Tons of parents feel this way after having kids. We are parents, yes… but we also shouldn’t lose sight in ourselves.

The first thing I did, on my journey to find more “me time” was talking with my husband about it. I communicated to him my need for alone time, and we came up with some ways for me to achieve it.

What are some ideas of ways to get alone time?

  1. Exercise – You knew I had to throw this in here. Go to the gym, go to an exercise class, go to a private room in your house and do your own exercises. Exercise is my outlet. Even though I mainly workout with Melissa, once class starts, I am still alone with my thoughts and my practice.
  2. Get a manicure and/or pedicure – This is something I need to do more often, especially as I looked down at my nasty feet at yoga this morning. It’s been MONTHS since my last pedicure, my poor feet! Getting out to get a manicure and/or pedicure is something so simple, yet so relaxing.  Sorry, honey, I can’t take the two year old to the nail salon. Freedom.
  3. Make a coffee date with yourself – I must admit that I don’t do this as often as I should. Every time I go to get coffee, I am in and out. I always feel the need to rush back to my “motherly duties.”  Next time, I will go to Starbucks, get my coffee, and sit down to enjoy it while it is still hot.
  4. Read a book – I am not a good book-reader, but I am trying! I set aside time at the end of the night to go up to my room, and read before bed. Alone.
  5. Wake up earlier – I do not do this, BUT I hear this is a great time of day to be alone. I am a morning person, but life does not start before 6:00 AM for me, and 7:30 AM on the weekends. Thank god my kid loves sleep as much as I do!  

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6 Ways to Overcome Mom Shaming

My mom lets me stay in my PJ’s all day so I don’t cry.

Being a mom is hard work, and anyone who is a mom can relate. So why is it that we “mom shame?”  Have you ever been the victim of mom shaming? Have you ever done the mom shaming? I am the first to admit that I mom-shamed the crap out of people BEFORE I was a mom. I just didn’t get it. “Why is your child throwing a tantrum in the middle of the food store? Ugh! Get them under control!”  “Why is your kid so snotty, can’t you wipe their nose?” I vividly remember thinking that to myself numerous times, and substitute “food store” for a restaurant, mall, Target, you name it.

One time that sticks out in my head was on the way to our honeymoon.  My husband and I splurged on first class seats, because why not, its our honeymoon!  I was so giddy, happy, and newly married. I will also add, childless. Yes, I will gladly take that complimentary glass of champagne… keep ‘em coming! Everything was going fantastic, until… a mom and a toddler came into first class and sat RIGHT behind us. Great. Isn’t there a rule about children in first class? There should be. My husband is the calm one out of the two of us, so he told me to relax, be quiet, and just drink my champagne. About halfway through the flight, it started. The crying, kicking of seats, yelling, you name it. The thoughts going through my head were too bad to say out loud. I kept thinking… “Why aren’t you controlling your child? You’re ruining my experience!”  My husband even gave me “the look” several times when he thought I was going to say something that I couldn’t take back. As we were leaving the flight, the mom looked exhausted, and apologized to everyone around them. The old me was praying they weren’t going to the same place we were. Can I get a refund, please? The new me empathizes with her.

Fast forward a few years, and NOW I get it. “You’re STILL breastfeeding? Isn’t your baby almost a year old?”  That is still one of my favorites. “You mean, you are going BACK to work? Who is going to raise your baby?” “Do something, she is throwing a tantrum in public!”  My daughter is usually pretty good and well-behaved, but she has her moments like all kids do. There are a few times that she was out of control in public, and we had to leave because she was causing a scene. Just this past December, she had an epic meltdown when we were on vacation in Disney World.  Kicking, screaming, swatting at us, as we took turns carrying her out of the park. If looks could kill… Usually, the looks were from childless people, who just didn’t understand.

As a working mom, I also feel like I am the victim of mom shaming pretty often. I am a mom first and foremost, but I also have a life of my own. Exercising, spending time with my husband, friends and family, and shopping are all things I enjoy. Sometimes I get comments from people asking why I am going out to workout, when I should be home with my daughter. It’s hard, and I feel guilty. But do I stop being me just because I am a mom?

I have only been a mom for 2 ½ years, so there are definitely people more experienced than me, but here are a few things that I tell myself when mom shaming happens:

  1. They Don’t Understand – Either they don’t have kids themselves, or they are older and can’t remember what it is like to have young kids.
  2. It’s Not Me, It’s Them – In my experience the comments aren’t really about me, it’s about them and their insecurities.
  3. A Happy Mommy Is A Healthy Mommy – I thank my blog partner, Melissa, for this one. She reminds me that if I don’t take care of myself, then how am I supposed to be a good mom? Everyone deserves some time for themselves.
  4. Don’t Obsess Over The Shaming – This is something I am constantly working on. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and I am easily thrown off by a negative comment.
  5. Take Time To Reflect – Before I lash out at the shamer, I remember that I once was the shamer. It all comes full circle.
  6. Stay Positive – Remember that you are doing your best for you and your child(ren). You got this, mama!

We’d love to hear from you! Share some of your tips for dealing with Mom Shaming.

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